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Post new topic   Reply to topic    Irish Gardeners Forum Home -> Garden jokes, games and puzzles

At last! A garden joke. (except maybe it's not a joke!)


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kindredspirit
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Joined: 10 Nov 2008
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Location: Mid-west.

PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2012 1:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M7 Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
...
"Terrorists have kidnapped all of our TD's during a sitting of the Dail, and they're asking for a €10 million ransom. Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.
'We're going from car to car collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

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A little garden in Co. Limerick.Some non-gardening photographs.
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kindredspirit
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Location: Mid-west.

PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Got a new helper in the garden but he doesn't look very happy. Very Happy Very Happy


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The Fly
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Joined: 19 Oct 2009
Posts: 230
Location: North Tipperary

PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 2:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Irishman suffered a serious heart attack and had emergency open
heart surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the
care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering,
a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to
pay for his treatment.

She asked, "Do you have health insurance?"

He replied in a raspy voice, "I don't be having any health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "Sure and it's a shame, but I've no money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help
you?"

He said, "I have only a spinster sister, which she is a
nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
"Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "In that case Sister, you can just send the bill to my
brother-in-law."
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The Fly
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Location: North Tipperary

PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 3:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together
again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.'

The lady can't take this any more, 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.'

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. 'Who talking abouta sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'.'


I bet you're gonna read this again!
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kindredspirit
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Location: Mid-west.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 10:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q. Two chavs jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a chav chick use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old chav girl?
A. Granny.

Q. Why did the chav cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.

Q. What do you call a chav girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. What's the first question during a chav quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Two chavs in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The policeman.

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The Fly
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Location: North Tipperary

PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
********************
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
**********************
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
*************************
After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time..
************************
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!
*************************
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'







'No,' she replies. . ..





Wait for it ... ....








It's coming ..... ....




The suspense is killing you, isn't it?






She said ... ...:

'You just happened to catch my eye.'
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kindredspirit
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Location: Mid-west.

PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 5:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How good are you at mowing?

As good as this? This mower really takes off. Very Happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzYugbUIcGQ

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kindredspirit
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two Tennessee rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they
come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by
the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom.
I wonder how deep it is."

The second hunter says," I don't know, let's throw something down and
listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "There's this old car gearbox here, give
me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".

So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and
throw it in the hole.

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a
rustling in the brush behind them.

As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up
to the hole and with no hesitation, jump in head first.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole
and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

"Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat
around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says, " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing
here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a
hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

The old farmer said, "That's impossible.

I had him chained to a gearbox!

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Greengage
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The jokes are good but the bloody fly as an avatar does my head in I get dizzy watching him from my perephial vision.
Two flys were crosing a road
First fly: Look out car.... Squash....
Second Fly: What caaa....Squash..........
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The Fly
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Location: North Tipperary

PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Greengage wrote:
The jokes are good but the bloody fly as an avatar does my head in I get dizzy watching him from my perephial vision.
Two flys were crosing a road
First fly: Look out car.... Squash....
Second Fly: What caaa....Squash..........





You are allowed to use FLYKILLER
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kindredspirit
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Location: Mid-west.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 12:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eBDQPYcyjqs
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kindredspirit
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Location: Mid-west.

PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 12:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote


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The Fly
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Location: North Tipperary

PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kindredspirit wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eBDQPYcyjqs





Lovely photos kindredspirit. Thank you.
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kindredspirit
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Posts: 2253
Location: Mid-west.

PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 7:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YLdv6gler_M

Badger watching. Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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kindredspirit
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 7:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This year I hosted a Christmas Dinner for the family and everyone was encouraged to bring all the children including Grandchildren.

During Dinner,my five year old Granddaughter stared at me, sitting across from her.
The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.I checked my shirt for spots,felt my face for food,patted my hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at me.

I tried my best to just ignore her, but finally it was too much for me,I finally asked her.
"Why are you staring at me?"
Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet waiting for her response. My little Granddaughter said,

"I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish".

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